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Facts, stats and humor about the male anatomy!
 Welcome to Penis Trivia, Facts and Stats! Ah yes. The feared and admired all mighty bringer of people seeds and pleasure, both pain and delight...the infamous human tool of tools multi-functional device, The Human Penis. Most are eternally puzzled at how such a small, destorted dispenser of urine can seemingly have such a radical grasp on the balls of society. All questions might be answered on this page, if not, check back soon! We're getting harder!
Fastest achieved male orgasm
It is interesting to note how quickly the "preadolescent" can respond to sexual stimulation. Kinsey
tabulated the percentage of the population who could respond to the point of orgasm in less than ten
seconds of sexual stimulation. No less than 6.4 per cent of preadolescents could achieve orgasm in less
than ten seconds of sexual stimulation. And a quarter of all those tested could manage orgasm in less than
one minute. Kinsey notes that erection is much quicker in preadolescent boys than in adults; and some
two-year-olds come to climax in less than ten seconds. (waddah wimp, i can go at least 20!)
Penis Utopia Main Expose Central Resource Database
PENIS ERECTUS - the offical government approved definition -
Main Entry: pe·nis Pronunciation:
'pE-n&s
Function: noun ; vaginal drilling device
Inflected Form(s):
plural pe·nes 'pE-(")nEz/; or
pe·nis·es
Etymology: Latin, penis, tail; akin to Old High German
faselt penis, Greek peos
Definition: organ of copulation
that in male mammals including
humans usually functions as the channel by which
urine leaves the body.
Supplement: female vibrator backup plan
Largest human penis currently in the record books:
The very revered and utmost admired, Mr. Aubrey Beardsley -
The Examination of
the Herald, 1896. -We all know that men are supposed to worry endlessly about penis size. In popular mythology a small organ
is still thought to signal a totally inadequate lover. All the best books tell us that this idea is absurd
but nonetheless the notion persists. What can we say of penis size? How big is the biggest? One problem is
who is to do the measuring. If men measure their own organs they are likely to exaggerate the results: it
is not an area in which there are abundant objective surveys. *see below**
Basic Penis Quick Fact Sheet
- The average erect penis is six inches in length, although flaccid measurements vary considerably.
- Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. This
may just be the
real reason that women love chocolate.
- The largest penis in the animal kingdom belongs to the mighty blue whale. He is no less than 11 feet of
fully functional hot
whale action.
- Men say the average erect penis is ten inches. Women say it's four inches. But what about girth, people?
What about girth?
- Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love an average of three times a night, every night,
until
their 30s, when the weekly average drops to a mere 14. (And then when they turn 40, their penises fall off. This is
why it's
all about quality, not quantity.)
Women too may exaggerate the size of a particular penis in their acquaintance. Walter (of My
Secret Life) demonstrated this clearly enough: a woman spoke of a penis as being 7 in. long or even more -
yet the "very large penis" measured by Walter turned out to be significantly less than 7 in. According to
Wardell B. Pomeroy, the Kinsey co-worker, the longest penis encountered was ten inches. This figure accords
quite well with the results of the special Forum survey into penis size. In this careful and detailed
survey, published in 1970, the largest penis was found to be 9? in. in erection, hardly able to compete
with the vast organs of pornographic fiction.
In an earlier inter-racial survey, Dr. Jacobus's 1935
publication - "L'Ethnologie du Sens Genitale", larger dimensions were recorded. In this survey, organs
nearly 12 in. in length are reported. Of all penis sizes quoted in the literature the largest is
unquestionably the 14 in. . erect organ mentioned by Dr. David Reuben in "Everything You Always Wanted to
Know About Sex". But as no source is quoted perhaps we should not take too much notice of this figure.
The
largest well attested penises would seem to be between ten and twelve inches in the erect state. Me
personally? My standard 6" plus has served just fine over the years. :)
Farthest projected ejaculation ever ejected from mister erected
Timgad, Erotic Mosaic, late First Century.
This, we may assume, is yet another one for a future Sex Olympics. Considering the amount of masturbation
that goes on there must be considerable volume of semen discharged in the absence of a convenient vaginal
receptacle. The distances the seminal fluid achieves before being arrested in flight must surely vary. I
have seen very little documentation on this. Van de Velde notes that the "rhythmic spasms of ejaculation
fling forth the semen from the external orifice with an impetus which may be perceived if the emission
takes place in vacuo." He adds, with the air of the true scientist, that the "seminal stream usually covers
a distance of from 15 to 20 cm., but has been known to exceed 1m.".
The physical event of ejaculation (semen being pumped out of the penis) does not necessarily
coincide with an orgasm (the pleasurable sensation of climax caused by a chemical response in the brain).
It's possible for a man to ejaculate and not even have an orgasm. The reverse is also true; a man can have
an orgasm without ejaculating.
Most active sex life in old age
Kinsey found men still making love about once a week at the age of sixty-five. In one group 75-year-olds
were having sex about once a month; and 80-year-olds were managing it once every nine or ten weeks. The
record for such things lies with a white man who was having - at the age of seventy - more than seven
ejaculations per week !
Penile Stupidity
A Kansas man checked into an emergency room with his erect penis stuck through a barbell plate. Apparently,
the
gentleman wondered if his member would fit through the weight's hole, but once it was in, he couldn't get
it out. After 12
hours of attempting to cut the plate, a urologist freed him by draining blood from the penis.
Penis Related Slang Terms
ErectBicycle, Big Ben, bone, boner, chubby (erect or
half-erect), dick, Eiffel Tower, hard-on, johnson, joystick, leaning tower of
Pisa, love muscle, purple veined clarinet, purple fist, purple katana,
presidential staff, putz, rod, schmuck, skin flute, stick, stiffy, wood, woody.
Flaccid or ErectArrow, bishop in a
turtleneck, blue-veined microphone, chode, Clyde, cock, crank, cunt poker, dick,
dong, egg roll, fireman, hog or hawg, jimmy, johnson, john-thomas, knob, lad
(Irish), love snake, manhood, manmeat, manroot, meat, (male) member, mushroom
cap, old fellow, one-eyed monster, one-eyed snake, (male) organ, pecker, Pedro,
Peter, Percy, plum (of the head only), pork hammer, pork sword, prick,
purple-headed mountain, rod, salami, sausage, scepter, schlong, shaft, snopp,
Stanley (the power tool), talliwhacker, todger, tool, trouser snake, trouser
trout, unit, Vienna sausage, wang, warrior of love, wiener, willie, yogurt
slinger ...
TesticlesBalls, bollocks, cajones, crown jewels,
cods, eggs, family jewels, guavas, klackers, knackers, nads, nuts, plums, tackle.
Also, "plum smuggling" a colloquial term used to describe a male wearing
overly tight undergarments, allowing the penis and/or testicles to be
seen in outline.
Penis and testicles
Note: (some words in this section may also be used more specifically to mean just
the penis or just the testicles; usage varies)- Big Ben, crown jewels, Eiffel Tower, family
jewels, frank 'n beans, lunchbox (UK, particularly used for male athletes), meat
and two veg, one eyed trouser snake, package, twig and berries, wedding tackle.
"See, the problem is that God gives men both a brain and a penis, and only enough blood flow to run
one at a time." - Robin Williams
"Man with penis in peanut butter, fucking nuts." - Confucious
Most common types of male orgasm
Kinsey delineated six types of male orgasm. In part the types vary according to the intensity of the
reaction exhibited. The most common type of male orgasm supposedly characterising about 45 per cent of
adult males - features some body tension. There may also be twitching or tension in one or both legs, of
the mouth, of the arms, or of other particular parts of the body. There is gradual build-up to a climax
which involves rigidity of the whole body and a degree of throbbing in the penis. There is orgasm with a
few spasms but little after-effect. This is seen as the most common type of male orgasm (discussed in 1.
Singer "The Goals of Human Sexuality") .
FYI - Things not recommended to Say to a Man with a Small Penis.
- Ahh, it's sooooo cute!
- Stop fingering me and fuck me, already.
- Perhaps we could just cuddle?
- Wow, and your feet are so big!
- My last boyfriend was four inches bigger.
- Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh!
- My eight-year-old brother has one just like that.
- Let me go get my tweezers.
- This explains your corvette.
- All right, a treasure hunt!
- It's like a penis, only smaller?
- Why is God punishing you?
- Let's just stick with your hand.
- But it still actually works, right?
- I don't suppose there's a dildo around here somewhere?
- Let me know when you're done.
- You must so cold, eh?
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The Mighty Super Selling Penis!
Commercialized Penises
The Thins Penis: Cos it's not as thick as some
The Magnum Penis: Can you remember your first one?
The Nicole Kidman Penis: To Die For
The Minties Penis: It's moments like these you need...
The Wrigley's Extra Penis: Flavour that lasts and lasts
The Canon Penis: Now you can
The St George Penis: You know where you stand
The Saab Penis: Beyond the conventional
The Sorbent Penis: Thicker and softer
The digital Penis: Whatever it takes
The Hyundai Penis: All day every day
The Peugot Penis: Engineered to be enjoyed
The Pantene Penis: It won't happen overnight, but it will happen.
The M&M Penis: Melts in your mouth, not in your hand
The Flake Penis: It crumbles and melts in your mouth
The Hungry Jack's Penis: Ooh I love a whopper
Gotta have that flame-grilled beef...
The Olympic Penis: ...and the winner is...
The Twisties Penis: Life's never straight without...
The CC's Penis: Can't say no...
The Just Juice Penis: Just squeeze.
The Woolworths Penis: The fresh food penis.
The Tribble Penis: Everyone wants one.
The Yellow Pages Penis: Let your penis do the walking.
The Sprite Penis: Obey your thirst.
The Hobbit Penis: There and back again.
The Hugh Grant penis: It's just Devine!
The Tolkein penis: Lord of the Rings
The VB Penis: Cos a hard earned thirst needs a big cold...
The Terminator Penis: This time it's personal.
The Space Balls Penis: I see that your schwartz is as big as mine
The Star Wars Penis: Feel the force.
The Raine and Horne Penis: We'll come to you!
The L J Hooker Penis: Nobody does it better.
The Ten Capital News Penis: More people turn us on.
The Toyota Penis: Oh what a feeling
The Mitsubishi Penis: Prease Consider
The BMW Penis: Sheer driving pleasure
The Macintosh Penis: "The power to be your best"
The Optus Penis: "yes"
The Forrest Gump Penis: You never know what you're gonna get.
The Steve Erkel Penis: Did i do that?
The Pizza Hut Penis: Available in both thick and thin.
The Macintosh Penis: All the internal workings are kept hidden. Just
click.
Even More Cocky Dick Related Analogies
The Linux Penis: Always upgradable.
The Pentuim Penis: It gives a different result every time.
The CD Penis: Looks pretty in sunlight.
The Transformer Penis: More than meets the eye
The Madam Penis: Won't stay on at parties.
The Kryten Penis: Multi-functional groinal socket...
The (circumsised) KFC penis: spicy & skin free...
The Nemo Penis: Lots of hair....
The Blitzen Penis: It keeps going up and down...
The Rudolf Penis: With a glowing red end.
The Lucs Penis. You don't have to suck. It does it for you.
The ISCA Penis: m or f?
The Spinnaker Penis: Always down when you need it.
The Coke Penis: Always the real thing.
The Far Side Penis: Do you need a reason? :)
The Snickers Penis: Always satisfies.
The Microsoft Penis: Who do you want to blow today?
The Raid Penis: Kills bugs dead.
The Excedrin Penis: It's tthhhhiiiiiiissss big.
The Life Call Penis: It's fallen and it can't get up.
The American Express Penis: Don't leave home without it.
The Tootsie Roll Pop Penis: How many licks DOES it take...?
The Kix Penis: Kid tested, mother approved.
The Nintendo Penis: Now you're playing with power.
The Ruffles Penis: Bet you can't eat just one.
The Roll-Ups Penis: Some kids like their fruit real flat.
The NRMA Penis: For H-E-L-P.
The Libra Penis: Now with wings
The Gilette Penis: The Best a man can get.
The Daewoo Penis: There's nothing you can't do...
The Birch Carroll and Coyle/Hoyts Penis: You want it? You got it!
The BHP Penis: The big Australian
The Lipton's Penis: Everybody's jiggling...
The Adobe Penis: It's everything you imagine.
The Texas Instruments Penis: Extending your reach.
The Hoyts Penis: You can make it BIG in the movies.
The Pioneer Penis: The art of entertainment.
The Advanced Hair Studios Penis: Yeah, Yeah
The Critters II Penis: They'll get you in the end.
The Microsof Penis: Where does it want to go today ??
The VISA Penis: It's everywhere you want to be.
The Snappy Tom Penis: The cats of Australia have made thier choice
The Colgate penis: It really DOES get in.
The MacPenis: mmMmmmMMmm it's Mac time
The Hungry Jack's Penis: have it your way!
Red Rooster Penis: Are you red-red-ready?
The Praise Penis: Nothing tastes creamier!
The RAAF Penis: Reach for the sky!
The Schwarzenegger Penis: It'll be back
The ARL (Australian Rugby League) Penis: Simply the best
The Cheap Hollywood Penis: Free Willy
The Julius Caesar Penis: Vidi, vici, veni. (I saw, I conquered, I came)
The Doors Plus Penis: We fit, stain, and deliver.
The HitchHiker's Penis: Don't panic!
The Fly Buys Penis: The more you buy, the more you...
The Smoo Penis: Always lookin' good
The Madam Penis2: Who needs jeans?
The Napisan Penis: Whiter than white... Can you take the Napisan
challenge?
The Private Bin Penis: Go hard or go home!
The Energizer Penis: Just keeps going and going and going
The Domino's Pizza Penis: Fresh and hot and always great!
or: I've got the hots for what's in the box with the
dots...
The Pizza Hut Penis: Comes in 30 minutes or it's free
The Transformers Penis: More than meets the eye!
The Ewok Penis: Furry but loveable
The Jean Luc Picard Penis: .....Engage!
The Monty Python Penis: And now for something completely different!
The Queensland Penis: Beautiful one day, perfect the next!
The Star Trek Penis: To boldly go where no one has gone before
The CSR White Sugar Penis: Australia's finest... 100% natural.
The Cadbury's Penis: A glass and a half of full cream...
The Kraft Singles Penis: 900mL in every one...
Picture of the Biggest Cock in the World!
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Totally Free Personal Ads,
you say? You bet, oh doubtful one! Within the "partners in
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| Online Dating
Advice Just for Women |
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Tips for Meeting Women - Just for Men
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 "I
want to
try online dating but I'm concerned about the possible
freaks and jerks that might try and contact me!"
Relax! A little common
sense is all you need to muster!
Safe Dating Advice for
Females |
|
 "Why
don't women ever respond to my personal ads! They don't
even reply when I write to them! What's the deal?"
All answers will be
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Dating Tips for
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Free versus
Totally Free Personal Ads or Dating Sites?
Defining "FREE" Personals - I'm a firm believer in online personal ads,
and found my true love via Internet dating sites, but
remember the confusion and frustration of clicking on
sites claiming Totally Free
Personals only to find out that wasn't the case.
For the most part, the majority of sites claim Free Memberships when marketing
which can also be misconstrued as meaning that all site
features are free. To make it clear, let's define the
industry standards of the word "Free" being used.
- Free Personals -
Typically means that it's free to join, place personal
profiles, and free to search the ads. However,
different sites require various paid upgrades to use
advanced site features such as chatrooms and sending
messages.
- Free Dating Site Trial
- Usually means that singles can join the site
with no restrictions using all site functions for a
predetermined amount of time. Your profile can remain
in the database, but your downgraded to basic
memberships after the trial.
- Totally Free Personals - "Should" mean that all site features are
available to all singles with no restrictions, no
registration, (to grab that email), and no limits on
sending messages. All of our listed free
personals sites meet this definition.
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